Saturday, March 13, 2010


Smashed windows in Riverwest

If you read my last entry, you’ve probably figured out that I’m not just talking about the ups and downs of my neighborhood for the hell of it. Tonight I’ll be joining Milwaukee Real Life Superheroes Watchman and Blackbird for a patrol of Center Street. Also joining us will be “Team Cthulhu.” More on them and our methodology in the third part of this story, to be posted tomorrow.

First I’d like to share the word on the street. Whether you’re a writer, a RLSH, or just want to know more about your surroundings, it’s helpful to know the word on the street. In this case I started by phoning Jan, the editor of the Riverwest Currents, a community newspaper I mentioned last entry. Jan gets an earful of everything that goes on in Riverwest, including crime and as expected, she has a few things to pass on.

Number one in Riverwest news this week is the repeated vandalism of a couple of energy efficient houses recently built, but not yet sold. The expensive, thick, energy efficient windows must have been smashed with baseball bats or a crowbar last weekend. These houses have had their windows smashed before with graffiti of the anarchy symbol and “YUPPIE SCUM MUST DIE” scrawled in black spray paint.
The people who built the houses have a small company based here in the neighborhood. Acts like this discourage people from building and buying in the neighborhood.
Jan also reports that park benches are being stolen from Reservoir Park- probably to sell the metal. She recommends a local business owner to talk to, who has “always got a sharp eye on the street.”
Lastly, she reminds me that with this being the first warm weekend night alleyways can turn into danger spots.

After talking to Jan, I head up to Center Street to get the vibe and stop in a couple businesses. As Jan said, the weather is fairly nice, a little drizzly, but warm and so a lot of the bars, restaurants, and cafes are full of people.
My first stop is the Riverhorse tavern, a place I’ve done some “deep meditation” in. If you want to get the word on the street, bartenders are good people to talk to. They hear all.

I tell the bartender I’m “writing a piece about crime on Center Street.” He has a pretty clean report- can’t think of major incidents, other than having to kick an occasional crackhead out for trying to steal tips or panhandling. His last personal encounter of crime was two years ago when him and his girlfriend were robbed at gunpoint “by a 15 or 16 year old kid” a block away on Center and Fratney Streets.

I cross the street and head into the Fuel café, which has serving coffee here for approximately 17 years. When they first opened they had several instances of armed robbery, but the employees here tonight also have an optimistic report. They say someone had a wallet stolen off of their table, and someone tried to steal a purse off of a table (but didn’t succeed) and there have been attempts to steal out of the tip jar. No armed robberies and they hadn’t heard of any customers or employees getting mugged.

That’s good news. Maybe tonight will be a quiet, peaceful night. Then again, it is a warm night and there are more people out. That sometimes equals crime.
To help everyone out there in this operation tonight, I’ve done a handmade map of the Center Street area, drawing in the businesses that will be open and a couple “points of interest.” I think the most potentially useful feature is that I’ve numbered all the businesses with their addresses. Should we have to call something in, it might help in identifying the exact addresses, which are sometimes missing or not immediately visible.

Now I’ve got to quick clean up the meet up spot. In the past I’ve joined RLSH at a variety of meet up spots- the statue of Mary Tyler Moore in Minneapolis, an abandoned carnitas stand on Milwaukee’s south side, city parks, cafes, and street corners. This time, the meet up spot, like the patrol itself, is a little bit closer to home. Literally. My kitchen table.


  1. I do agree. Yuppie scum must indeed die.

  2. The sheer irony of someone gallivanting around on a 'mission' with people dressed up as comic book characters telling someone else to "grow up" is absolutely astounding to me.

    Get a sense of humor sometime.

    I Don't Like Lumpy Tea,

  3. Well duder,
    I think I do have some humor. I mean I'm replying to a man who pretends he's an ape- totally bananas, right?
    I total welcome criticisms or even good jokes about me gallivanting around.
    But "yuppie scum must indeed die?" C'mon, man. Where'd you steal that line from, a punk band full of 15 year olds?
    Ha! Hey dude- smash the state! up the pigs!
    great taste, less filling!

  4. Yes, I do claim to be an ape... ONLINE. I don't wear a gorilla costume when I go to the grocery store, I don't speak in grunts, and I don't throw my shit at people, even though it is really temping with folks like you around. Playing dress-up is something most of us grow out of around the age of 10. Halloween not included, of course. Those kids aren't going to steal candy from themselves, ya know.

    As for yuppies, yes I do hate them. Just as I hate hippies, commies, patriots, pigs, feds, heroes, bums, and other social groups that get on my nerves. I guess it's hard to see anything from a different view-point than your own with those rose-tint glasses you seem to be unable to remove. I'm sure there is an anonymous recovery group for that somewhere, so don't lose hope.

    Anyways, I could sit here and bitch back and forth with you for an eternity, but I'd much rather see what kind of superhero dick-riding garble your next post is about. Remember: You can polish a turd until it shines like gold, but in the end it's still a turd.

    Only Brits and Faggots Like Tea,

  5. Wait a minute- is this the same imaginary ape or a different one? Are you saying you're one imaginary ape or three different ones? Can you use the car pool lane?
    You said you don't dress like an ape in public, but what about in private? Confess.
    Wait- aren't apes known for turd polishing?
    Do you hate so many people because "hate" kind of rhymes with "ape" if you say it fast?

    LOL@ rose tinted glasses.
    That's a slippery assessment of me. Kind of like, oh I dunno- a banana peel on an ape house floor.

  6. Brother, I'll give you props for being clever with your come-backs, but you're seriously playing the wrong side right now. Especially with Kick-Ass coming out, the RLSH community is going to be a bad face to be seen with what with all the posers that can and WILL do something stupid to smear the reputation of the movement.

    Wise up and start correcting these caped fools. Criticism, though it may be, can be constructive. Dick-riding is not constructive or progressive in any way.

    As for having multiple personified titles, I like to keep my projects separate by different names. So many even I have a hard time keeping up with all of them.

    Undground Until I'm Belowground,
    -Malvado the Sound Vandal

  7. I *REALLY* miss Tiny Terror...


  8. Hi Tea! As you know, I'm a straight woman from North Dakota, and I like you. I also like many Brits and F*ggots, but that's another post.

    Hey, refresh my memory, wasn't this confusing 3-4 named monkey guy the same person who confused Z with Zetaman? Hahahahahah just kidding, I know he was.

    your roommate

  9. @ Victim- I second that.

    @ All of my Brit and fag fans-HOLLA!

    @ Beth- Kind of like confusing Arnie Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. Sure they were in the same movie, but...


  10. I'd like to say, though, one of these apes has brought up a good point: Criticism.
    Yes, I do have some I'll present, from villains, people outside the scene, RLSH themselves, and my own.
    These haven't been featured much yet, because there is a lot of other material I'd like to go through first. Another reason is that I think criticisms should be well thought out with as much info as possible, not hysteria based on internet whispers.
    I always like to present criticisms from a neutral and diplomatic stance rather than an internet meme powered by Bill O'Reilly's internal organs, chanting a mantra of "Ve don't belief in nothing, Lebowski."

  11. Whoa, whoa, whoa... I may be evil, but don't compare me to Bill O'Reilly. That's like calling Bernie Madoff 'Satan'. Sure, he's evil, but...

  12. I do apologize for that. I guess I didn't mean you specifically though, I was just generally speaking that it isn't my style.

    I'm not saying that style is all wrong, either. I like to read some ranting and raving sometimes, I just don't do it myself.

  13. I am secretly Danny DeVito.

  14. LOL!
    I didn't mean a literal comparison by the way. I meant like, apples and oranges or something.

    By the way, I've always wondered- what if it turned out that an RLSH secret identity was a celebrity, bored with their hollow Hollywood lives?
    What if it turns out that under their masks, the Black Monday Society is secretly like Brad Pitt, Christian Slater, Will Ferrel, and uh...Larry King?
    Not probable, but it's a weird world we live in.

  15. I would like to interject here and say I do not personally view things in that fashion, I look at this as a way to encourage and expand the very way they do what they do. Although I have a mild personal bias, I do not let it interfere with what the issues truly are. I have done and continue to do my research, and I certainly try to approach these matters in a more intelligent fashion.